Oh So Over Cancer

Huwelijksreis

Hello readers! I went to start a new blog post today and found this old one from right before chemo started in February of 2020. This was written before COVID-19 changed the way our daily lives looked. Before Jesse was able to stay home and work from home each day. I thought I’d share these…

Hold Your Breath

And just like that it’s August. Where does the time go? With COVID-19 barreling through our reality the days shifted to Netflix and baking all the things and long, meandering walks through our neighborhoods. Along with those fad attempts to pass the time, I finished 4 rounds of intensive Chemotherapy aimed at annihilating any potential…

Base-BALD-Head

On Feb 28, 2020 I had a truly unbelievable experience: I made a sign asking my favorite baseball Player on the San Diego Padres to sign my newly bald Chemo head AND HE DID! The idea came when I realized my bald head was basically a ball. A baseball. And baseballs get signed. Losing your…

Neither Have I

It felt like the world as I knew it no longer existed. After both of my breast cancer diagnoses my life went from routine and predictable to chaos and uncertainty. Work days were filled with anxiety as I continued to operate as normally as possible while internally all I could think was Cancer-Cancer-Cancer. Outside of…

Highs and Lows

Everything that has happened in the weeks following Spring Training have been such a roller coaster of highs and lows, which is eerily how I describe chemo in general. Coming off Spring Training and the incredible experience I had getting my head signed (read about it here) was a whirlwind of excitement. Local news stations…

Chemo_graph

The following post is updated from my Chemo_graph GoFundMe page created on 2/4/2020: If you read my last blog post, you know I had a crazy idea to try and have my bald chemotherapy head signed by my favorite baseball player on the San Diego Padres (read about it here Base-Bald-Head) at the 2020 Spring Training…

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I first read Little Women when I was around 10 years old. Since then I’ve read it at least 4 more times and the line that always resonated with me was when Amy exclaims to Jo, who has just chopped off her hair and sold it to earn money for the family, “Oh Jo, how…

I Wanted This

When people want to know if they can ask me a cancer question, my response is always I’m an open book and so far I have fully shared as much of this whole experience as I possibly could. Except for one really ugly part. I wanted chemo. From the second I was told it was…

Sneaky Little Bugger

The thing about breast cancer is it can be a real sneaky little bugger. When I chose to have a double mastectomy it was for many reasons but mainly the peace of mind it brought me to know that I had removed basically as much of the tissue as possible where a recurrence of cancer…

Size Doesn’t Matter

We’ve all made the jokes about how “size matters” regarding a certain male body part. Based on small hands or small feet, even ethnicity, it’s an old joke/mindset with no basis in anything that matters. Size doesn’t matter. Size is not connected to anyone’s self-worth or success. And while I’m not here to talk about…

In With the Squishy

Happy Reconstruction Day, everyone! Out with the hard, in with the squishy. Hasta la vista, expanders. It’s been real (insert painful, brutal, dehumanizing, etc.) having you attached to me for the last six months. 191 days to be exact. I am floored that this day has finally come. When my plastic surgeon first told me reconstruction…

Take that Cancer

Let me tell you one of the worst parts of a life-threatening diagnosis is the sheer amount of doctor appointments. That first few days after my cancer diagnosis my phone didn’t stop ringing as oncologists, radiologists, surgeons, genetics counselors, care coordinators, and nurses scheduled me in for 5 then 6 then 7 appointments. And it…

The Lucky Ones

I woke up this morning and realized I have been neglecting my poor blog and you know what, its a GOOD thing! Want to know why? Because it means I’ve been living life after cancer. No more weekly fills to expand these temporary rocks in my chest. No more agonizing about whether or not I’ll…

Could Have (but Didn’t!)

May 20th, 2018. Sunday. A cold typical May-Gray day in San Diego. Two months post nipple sparing double mastectomy with reconstruction. The day before I go back to work. Yes, I took all of the 8-weeks time off recommended by my plastic surgeon and I am thankful I did. Originally I thought I would take…

/brɛst ˈkænsər/.

Breast cancer. My mom warned me that one of the strangest parts after being diagnosed was simply having to tell people she had breast cancer. And I get it. Just saying those two words, feeling them work their way out of my mouth, the harsh sounds in the middle like biting down on a piece of…